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August is a promising, somewhat milquetoasty 12-year-old caller that first surfaced on the 6/13/06 show. He called Tom to find out how he managed to have the 4-disc Fillmore East Grateful Dead set at the ready for the call with Bryce. Tom tells him that Mike the Associate Producer pulled it from the WFMU library.

The Debut Call

Tom asks him if he likes school, and he offers a wishy-washy "depends". He does say that he's wedgie-free and does not get picked on. August wants to know if Tom got picked on, but we know that Tom was known as "The King" in school and he did the picking. Time is running out on August's summer camp planning, but he hopes to secure a spot in a local sports camp. His sports of choice are tennis, baseball, and soccer, and he's sort of been following the 2006 World Cup. He's rooting for whatever team wins, which fits into his overall philosophy on having solid opinions. He thinks that they come back to haunt you with your peers if you eventually change your mind. Tom tells August that he has a right to change his mind and should look into something called "convictions". August laments that shifting opinions can get a bit ugly with his circle of friends. Tom attempts a role play inquiring about August's take on the USA vs. Czech Republic World Cup match. August says he thought the American squad looked horrible, and Tom reveals that he was rooting for the Czechs. August, predictably, has no opinion on Tom's pro-Czech zeal.

August begins to show some backbone when the discussion moves to the diamond. He likes the Red Sox and the Mets, standing strong against friends who favor the Yankees. This pleases Tom who was beginning to think that August was just a willow being blown hither and thither by the wind. August doesn't like any music because it hurts his ears and his friends are currently jamming to "The Hampster Dance", which he finds repulsive. August says he might like music at some point.

A budding cinephile, August likes the Lord of the Rings trilogy and horror, though he's only seen two: Cursed and Hide and Seek. He wants to see The Omen, and if he does, he will not scream. Tom tells him that he likes him and that he’s a good guy, which leaves August speechless. He says that he discovered the station because his parents listen to WFMU exclusively and like the entire roster of shows. Tom tells him to keep on being himself, and August vows to take the advice to heart.

August's Return

On 6/20/06, August returned to play the Shoot Me In The Head If ... game. Tom speculated that his entry will involve listening to the "The Hampster Dance", and August says that one of his "The Hampster Dance"-loving friends is downstairs. He would put him on, but his parents are listening to the radio and he thinks there will be a problem with the telephony mingling with background radio. Tom admires his technical knowledge and is amazed that a 12-year-old knows what so many older callers do not. August's entry:

Shoot Me In The Head If … I should ever commit suicide.

Tom compares the entry to a Steven Wright joke and thinks it might be the most brilliant thing he’s ever heard.