Best Show Laws

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Best Show laws are occasionally drafted on-air by "Judge" Tom Scharpling, mostly in response to recurring transgressions by the show's listenership, but occasionally more out of general principle. Each ruling is accompanied by a (Jim) Crameresque sound effect that could be classified as either (a) a gavel pounding, (b) a jail cell door slamming, or (c) an air conditioner being dropped from a window. At present, the laws on the books are as follows:

1. The music of Tom Waits is terrible and unacceptable under any circumstances.

2. Respect must be paid to Ernie Anastos.

3. The callers need to be more polite to Tom.

4. Know why you’re calling before you call (pointedly suggested by Associate Producer Mike).

5. When you’re on Tom’s court, it’s Tom’s ball (suggested by Sathington).

Possible 6th Law (pending official ruling):

  • "If you like rock music, you can’t like Steely Dan."
  • "If you like Steely Dan, you can’t like rock music."