Buzzy

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Buzzy is a transient, Anchorage-based comedian that called to talk to Zach Galifianakis on the 5/30/06 show.

Joke For Sale

Buzzy refers to him Zach as "Jack", despite being a big fan, and offers to sell him some jokes. Zach's having some trouble hearing Buzzy, who tells him to turn down the jukebox and wonders if he's at the opera. Zach tells him that he's at a TGI Friday's, which are finally set to make their Alaskan debut. Tom assures Buzzy that he will love the eatery. Buzzy is certain that Zach will kill with his topical jokes, but is afraid that Zach will rip him off. The joke he's offering involves local alderman Gus Morrison, who got caught stealing money from the city parks fund. He then funneled the money into his mistress's country crafts boutique. Buzzy only gives Zach the punch line: "She must really give good cross-stitch." Zach's never purchased material before, but he really likes the joke. Buzzy prices it at $750 and will mail it to Zach at 517 North Federalsburg Street (Attention: Airport Denny's). Tom has no problem with the comedic commerce since a lot of the greats have bought jokes.

Zach's Big Break

It's Zach's lucky day because Buzzy also has a movie pitch to grant him his first starring role: President Baseball 2. Zach, of course, saw the original last summer, but Buzzy refreshes his memory on the plot involving Alan Alda grappling with the pressures of world leadership and playoff baseball. In the sequel, Zach will play President Morton, who challenges the new head of Iran ("Sahib something") to a home run derby. If President Morton wins, he'll give up all of his nukes. Morton accepts and is considered a heavy favorite, but it turns out that Sahib is known as "The Home Run King of Iran" from his days playing semi-pro ball for the Tehran Sand Mice. Tom wonders if it's an empty title afforded a powerful statesman, but Buzzy assures him that he earned it and is a legitimate star player.

Zach's already schooling Buzzy with script notes, suggesting that the audience will want to see some kind of established major league baseball in Iran. Buzzy thinks flashbacks might do the trick, and Zach references the "old Negro League over there", which Buzzy finds a bit offensive. Zach's not sure what he's being called out on, and Tom explains that perhaps Buzzy doesn't think "negro" is the most progressive word choice. Zach explains that he was just being historically accurate, conjuring an image of old-timey baseball. Buzzy thanks God that there was also white man baseball. Buzzy offers CGI as a possibility, and Zach says that if he's willing to hold on, he'll call some really cool Jewish writers at Paramount who can write in anybody's voice. Buzzy likes the idea because if they can't whip out a script, nobody can.

Next Steps

Buzzy is going to send Zach a package (notorized so he doesn't screw him) with the movie pitch and the joke. Zach plans to open with the joke on an upcoming appearance on "Jay Leeno".

Buzzy ends the call with "Host, I don't like you", a recurring sendoff for callers that are not fans of Tom's antics.