Porcupine Pie

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According to Tom Scharpling, the live version of "Porcupine Pie" from Neil Diamond's 1972 Hot August Night LP is the worst song in the history of mankind. Here are the full lyrics of the live version of "Porcupine Pie:"

Porcupine Pie

Porcupine Pie
Porcupine Pie
Vanilla Soup/A double scoop, please
No/Maybe I won't/Maybe I want/Maybe I'll have
The tutti fruit/With fruity blue cheese

Ah, but Porcupine Pie
Porcupine Pie
Porcupine Pie
Don't let it get on your jeans
And though it sounds a little strange
But you've got to eat it with gloves
Or your hands will turn green

(spoken) Oh my Gawwwwwd

Instrumental Bridge

Ah, but Porcupine Pie
Porcupine Pie
Porcupine Pie
Weaves its way through my dreams
And I do believe/I'm gonna try some
Leave enough room for dessert/Chicken ripple ice cream

(spoken) Goodnessss

The badness of the song is self-evident (the oddly affected singing voice, the quasi-poetic cuteness of the lyric, Diamond's creepy ongoing blue jeans fetish), but Tom goes on to single out the insipid stage banter that precedes the song and the almost pornographic album cover as especially terrible. (Onstage, Diamond talks about "The Tree People" and goes on and on about the concert's promoter.) It was also suggested that even Neil Diamond himself can't suppress his disgust for the song-- he lets loose with a (presumably shame-filled) spoken "Ohhhh my Gawwwwwd" after the second verse. Evan "Funk" Davies played "Porcupine Pie" at his wedding reception. Everyone agrees that he is very lucky to still be married after doing so.